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XXXL FTW

11 Sep

I recently discovered that the 48-pound duffel bag that I lugged thousands of miles to China was missing a vital piece of equipment: workout pants. In case you didn’t know, Tianjin gets ridiculous cold during the winter months. So while it’s still a nice 70-80 degrees outside right now, I know that Jack Frost (a la creepy Mystery Science 3000)  is lurking right around the corner. Thus, an unfortunate but necessary shopping expedition was formed.

Now, I hate shopping. At least in China, it’s a little more entertaining than in America. Because you never know when you’ll see something like this.

Or maybe like this. I’ve also wanted to be carrot-shaped… Seems I need to shop here more often!

Naked girls make a great logo.

So anyway, my friend and I wandered up and down 宾江道, the huge shopping street in Tianjin, and I got three scoops of ice cream for 8¥. I also thought I was being “edgy and dangerous” by ordering a flavor I didn’t know, 香花, “fragrant flower.” … Nice try, but it’s vanilla.

I guess the glitter and bright lights of that shopping street force the stores to jack up their prices, because I couldn’t find any quality workout pants for less than 150¥ (about $25… too expensive! You know those pants were made in a factory on the other side of town.)

But then, I found it: the discount rack. Black, swishy pants. Not too warm, but would suit my purposes just fine. Price: 79¥! I’m sure I could find a better deal elsewhere in Tianjin, but that would require haggling and quite frankly, my dear, I’d rather just pay too much than have to bargain for two hours to get a better price. One potential problem, though. The only sizes they had left were XXL and XXXL.

So I tried on the XXL… and I could barely fit them over my sizable posterior. I rather sheepishly had the sales attendant get me the XXXL, and what do you know? Not too big, not too small–just right!

Triple. Extra. Large. The player in me went ahhhhh yeah.

In this case, being what Chinese fashion companies consider a grossgusting conglomeration of human material (145 pounds) ended up working out pretty well. If I discover that I forgot to bring more essential clothing, maybe I can again raid the sales rack for clothes normally intended for beluga-shaped humanoids.

Shake it girl, Shake it.

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4 Comments

Posted by on September 11, 2012 in Tianjin

 

Tags: , ,

4 responses to “XXXL FTW

  1. Andres

    September 11, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    If that is XXXL then I must ask what clothing size is available for those fine southern corn fed women that roams the aisles of Walmart? You must find one and document the reactions of the Chinese people!

     
    • cornchipmeteor

      September 14, 2012 at 8:34 am

      I will bring the first corn-fed foreign woman I find on a glorious parade of shame through Tianjin. Now where to begin the search? McDonald’s? Starbucks? Or our very own Walmart? So many possibilities!

       
  2. Danielle Whipple

    September 14, 2012 at 8:20 am

    I just… Wow.

     
    • cornchipmeteor

      September 14, 2012 at 8:36 am

      Good thing I brought most of the clothes I need, huh? Otherwise, things could get…. muffin-toppy, really fast.

       

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