When Peppers Attack

27 Sep

Heya readers! I have made a few valuable discoveries in these past few days.

  1. Freshmen classes are awesome. When I walked in to my first freshmen English class on Monday, everyone yelled “HELLLLLOOOOO TEACHER!!!” at the top of their lungs. Talk about a warm welcome. They were clearly fascinated by my not-Chinese-ness, and I had to tell them multiple times to put their stupid camera phones away. Silly kids, thinking I’m special. (Special-ed, baha!)
  2. Imposter vegetables are evil. Take, for example, the “green peppers” I bought the other day. I chopped them up and put them in my morning egg/sausage scramble (dericious), but I noticed later that my nose was rather on fire. Luckily no smoke or open flames, but the burning sensation was unmistakable. I just thought I was getting sick… until I rubbed my eyes and my EYES WERE ON FIRE. I couldn’t even keep them open. I rushed to the bathroom and took an emergency shower to get rid of whatever contaminants were causing this. Clearly, I had gotten something on my hands… That’s when I looked at the “green pepper” package. Yup, it said “hot peppers,” clear as day (if you can read Chinese.) Damn. If only I bothered to read the package before I bought it. But they tasted just like normal green peppers, so how was I supposed to know that rubbing my nose and eyes would lead to such devastation? Note to self: learn how to read good.
  3. Chinese students don’t think the “HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA ” video on Youtube is nearly as funny as I do… or any other video that I’ve shown them, for that matter.
  4. Riding a bike in the rain sucks. Getting splashed by buses, fording great rivers caused by poor drainage, and having gym sweat run into your eyes just don’t make for a fun time. This led me to realize my dream of wearing really sexy outfits on my equally-sexy bike. Add a silver raincoat to the image below, and you get the idea. BRING IT, THUNDERSTORMS! I knew those combat boots and XXXL pants would come in handy.
  5. Belly dancing class was… enlightening. All the students were women, and the teacher was a very free, very liberated (gay) man wearing capris and a midriff-revealing shirt . His jiggly belly was less than desirable, but he had some MOVES! Some of the women had noisy belly-dancing belts, and they were all in the front row to show off. I was in the middle row, and all the also completely incompetent dancers were behind me. I must say, they were at least as bad as me. And I think I was having way more fun than they were, so win. While they looked mortified to make fools of themselves in class, I embraced the opportunity to embarrass myself. My ill-timed spins and body convulsions dance moves were truly a thing of legend. Maybe I can sneak a few pictures next time (oh, there will be a next time! And I think I’ll bring a dude with me for laughs.)

Posted by on September 27, 2012 in Uncategorized


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2 responses to “When Peppers Attack

  1. Danielle Whipple

    September 27, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    They need to show you what videos they think are funny because… How could they not think the YEAHYAYAYAAAAAAH video unfunny?

    • cornchipmeteor

      September 27, 2012 at 8:54 pm

      It seems that even humor is oppressed here. They also didn’t like Llamas with Hats.


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