You know how when you wake up in the middle of the night, you make everything super-dramatic? Like, that tiny tap on the window? It’s probably a raccoon with blood-red eyes and a thirst for human blood. Was that the top stair creaking? No doubt, a serial killer with a chainsaw arm is coming for you.
So a couple of nights ago, I was convinced I was going to die in China. My next thought was, what are my parents going to think? They’d never forgive me if I went and DIED in China! I can’t let this happen!!
And then I think I passed out from mental and physical exhaustion again. You see, the last three and a half days were filled with a life-shattering case of THE SHITS.
Yes, my friends. It finally happened to me. After spending three months in China, my stomach finally flipped out, threw up (ew) its hands, and said “I quit!” Then ensued 84 agonizing hours of me wondering if I would dehydrate to death. And how it was physically possible for my body to produce such disgusting products.
But luckily, I DIDN’T DIE! And despite my constant threats to myself of actually going to the hospital, I didn’t cave in. I did beg another foreign teacher for some drugs (strange, exotic, Canadian drugs!), and I even tried a packet of something my students gave me. But I avoided the Chinese hospital. *sigh of relief* One of my fears is to wake up in a hospital here, my legs broken from getting hit by a bus, and the doctor telling me, “Hey, um, we were giving you a blood transplant aaaand we accidentally gave you AIDS sorry.” Not saying that I don’t have any trust in the medical system here, but… I don’t want AIDS.
Now, I am commencing the Grand Cleanup of my dorm (I refuse to call this an apartment… apartments have couches). In the process of washing my sheets, I made a startling discovery. Don’t worry, it’s nothing too disturbing.
Yes, my mattress has PUPPIES on it!!!!
Let’s ignore the obvious question of why I haven’t noticed this before. But for your information, I have washed my sheets before this. But I hadn’t moved the mattress cover, OK? OK?!
Really, look at this little angel. I think they’re here to discourage any naughty activities. After all, the puppies will see all, and no one likes to see a crying puppy.
Normal posting will resume! Yay for feeling better! The sunshine seems brighter, the air cleaner, the water waterier… it’s like everything is alright in the world. Or is that just me reacting to the election? Oh, it’s so hard to tell why we feel like we do!